My Torn ACL - Day before Surgery

Flowers and magazines from my friend to bring me comfort

It's the day before surgery and I took the day off to mentally prepare and to prepare my house. The past month or so I've been preparing and preparing and preparing. There were 5 to do lists at one point! I think I was preparing so much to keep my mind on something other than the actual surgery. Now that it is the day before the surgery and pretty much all my prep is complete - I'm starting to get nervous. I did not think I would get this nervous. I know that this is a common surgery and a non-life threatening surgery. So why am I so nervous?


I'm my own worst enemy. My brain just goes. I've had irrational fears from...

• I don't get to wear a bra? The hospital gown is so thin!
• What will I say on anesthesia or in recovery? Will I say something embarrassing? 
• My pretty legs will have scars. 

To more legitimate fears...

• How much pain will I be in after surgery? In the weeks after?
• Will I ever be back to normal? 
• Can I do kickboxing again?

So with all these fears, I try my best to play the glad game. If you do not know the glad game, it is the game Pollyanna (favorite childhood movie) would play when something disappointing happens. She would flip the script and think about it differently. In the movie, she mentions getting crutches instead of a doll one year. Instead of being upset, she decides to be glad that she does not have to use the crutches. So here's my glad game...

• I will have scars on my legs, but I'm so thankful I have legs. There are people that for many reasons do not have legs and may never be able to walk. 
• I will be in pain after the surgery but the pain means healing. It means starting recovery so that I can return to normal activities - hiking, kickboxing, traveling. 
• I'm having a common surgery and it's on my knee. There are people every day having surgery on their back - which is much more terrifying. Or on their brain to remove tumors and they are worried about living to see their children grow up. 

Ultimately, I will flip this script with prayer. Prayer is going to ease my nervous heart. He's the ultimate healer and He's here for me. All in all I should not be this nervous and I should remember that I have my health, wonderful friends and family helping me, and live in a city with some of the most world renowned doctors. 

So I will flip this script, praise God that I'm ok, and be thankful for every moment I have - even the happy, nervous, sad, and painful moments